Attacks from children to parents, Emergent Phenomenon

These attacks on the parents, more than half of cases, not merely be verbal or psychological. Are physical. Though far from the violence they are subjected couples now account for 22% of the cases treated in 2007 for a municipal program for offenders affected and with great success in the capital of Spain.

Faced with a social problem, it is best to raise it well and dare to call things by their name. That concern about gender-based violence does not make us forget the psychological and even physical abuse of the elderly in their homes or in nursing homes or those who suffer from some men for their wives or parents who suffer for their children.

In an interesting interview, Félix Arias, a psychologist at the Family Care Center in Madrid, states that parents are aware that they are losing control over their children from pre-adolescence (12 or 13 years) when they have ability to do more physical damage and are more autonomous. Contest rules, schedules, authority. The trigger can be in school performance, truancy, fighting, disrespect for teachers, parental separation or rifts and mutual disrespect.

The conflict often take shape in childhood and increases to more dangerous forms. The batterer uses violence to exert control and power over others because he has learned so get what you want. There is more to see and kicking llantinas of so many children to the outputs of the schools if they do not have the goodies that they prefer rather than the traditional snack. This continues until the university, young men and women taking a shit sandwich instead of consisting, as we ever did. These guys from small, at home, I asked "What do you want for tea, darling? Or for dessert, or dinner or breakfast. I can not imagine my mother or my wife by such questions. You eat what you put in front. As you learn not to leave anything on the plate and celebrate the effort to obtain and prepare those foods. No, there are many parents who erroneously say: "Poor, and have time to spend deprivation, take advantage now.? They do the same with clothes, brands require. Or feel entitled to last technological apparatus. Many parents spend what they have to ensure that children are not traumatized.

What we've had traumas?

"Disobedient, disrespectful, break objects, insults, shouting, pushing, and may result in direct hits to the weakest link: the mother. Although there is also a father for his lack of firmness or, in case of separation, not to be present in their everyday environment?, Said Arias. The mechanism of the victim is opposite to the executioner: "If I yield to the pressure ceases aggression. Hence they are becoming more lenient?.

These children are deteriorating family life, are men with low tolerance for frustration, do not try at home or at school, often linked to violent groups or drug use, although not an essential variable. Without a wholesome discipline, without order, without regard to tasks, schedules, performance of duty for each family member is difficult maturation of each of its members. And the child becomes the "king or queen? their parents or couples after they should believe a childhood imagined.

Intervention to resolve the situation affects the entire family. Once you become aware of the situation, it is not easy to take because the parents feel guilty, begins therapy to modify the way they relate, to express emotions and control impulses.

"One of the most difficult tasks for parents to understand is that they have to supplant the responsibilities of their children, who have to take them and make mistakes because otherwise do not let them grow and mature?. They must observe the problem from a rational point of view and be firm without reducing displays of affection, ruling out any kind of aggression, including verbal. Alongside this, work communication skills, values, respect, tolerance ...

My six children and ten grandchildren learn very little Chuang Tzu's maxim: "Do not forget, when you fall, the soil will help you get up?. The easy thing is to run to catch the child and say "bad table! Bad chair! Bad rug!?. Then, ask for consistency.

Therefore, it is necessary to promote changes in attitudes and rules of the game and respect each other. It should be clear who exercises authority and generate a proper living. Parents must be demanding without being authoritarian, communicative, able to stand over the other, caring, sharing activities ... and do not hide their own weaknesses. If an adult falls, gets up but does not blame the ground.

José Carlos García Fajardo

Emeritus Professor at the Universidad Complutense de Madrid (UCM)

Director of CCS

fajardoccs@solidarios.org.es